Battleaxe tried three things last week which did not work out well. First, an experiment to try a new book club. I love going to my WI group, but I thought as an author it would be good to get some different perspectives on reading matter – heavens, they might even read one of mine and give me feedback on it! So I tried the Hastings Book Club. No sorry, girls, not for me. (I use the word ‘girls’ advisedly…). Secondly, we went up to London to meet old friend Shaun. As usual, another hot day – it gets so enervating. He said he wanted to do something different and ‘fun’ so we tried an ‘immersive art experience’, Frameless at Marble Arch. No. As Shaun said, it was good to have gone to know we’d never have to go again. Then, a visit to Tonbridge -all the time we have lived down there we have never once been there. This photo of the castle across the River Medway makes it look lovely, doesn’t it? But sorry, it isn’t.
First, the Book Club. Honest, no offence to them but I went home feeling very old and downcast. I saw the group advertised on social media, and the organiser said to drop in, so I did. I even read the book – The Wedding People by Alison Espach. I didn’t rate that – it felt like a self-help manual disguised as a novel, but I was interested to hear what they made of it – it has had very good reviews. The Book Club met in a cafe in Havelock Road, and I don’t exaggerate – there was a big group of young – very young – women, and Granny Boomer Battleaxe. The girl sitting next to me only started ‘Uni’ in 2020… I felt about a million years old, and could scarcely understand what they were talking about – like, right, it was so totally random. They certainly weren’t rude, but they hardly talked to me. Why would you talk to your Granny when you are enjoying a night out? I would have liked to find out about them – they were obviously all educated, middle-class young women. Where do they live? What jobs are there for girls like that in Hastings? They talked about hen do’s. Did people like a surprise? Did they like going abroad? I never had a hen do for either of my weddings – they hadn’t been invented. The discussion about the book was quite interesting – but it did feel a bit like being in a seminar group at ‘Uni’. So, that was that. I’m sure it would be great if you were a young person – a great way of meeting like-minded souls, but not for Battleaxe!
Next, the soi disant ‘immersive art’. The galleries – there were five of them with different themes, were far underground down escalators, and were basically big bare warehousey spaces with famous paintings projected onto walls, ceiling and floor, accompanied by meaningful, crashing music. Much of the art was animated, and some of the animations were actually quite impressive – huge waves etc. BUT, the rooms were very functional, with illuminated exit signs etc interrupting the animations, and it was very busy. Kids obviously loved it, and I know it is the school holidays, but there were so many ankle-biters running about and rolling around the floor. It wasn’t immersive at all – in fact it was pretty tacky. The website makes it look great – it isn’t. This Bosch sequence was very sanitised – the figures have no genitals and are not engaged in the nefarious activities you see in the painting.
One good thing though, before the art we went for lunch at a restaurant called ‘The Italian Greyhound’ in Seymour Street. It was excellent, and Battleaxe would recommend. Good value, excellent food, spacious and airy, good service, couldn’t fault it. After the art – not so good. We thought we’d have a cup of tea in Selfridges. We vaguely thought there might be a cosy tea place, but no, we ended up in the Brass Rail, which was a heaving, noisy madhouse. Funny, I remember the Brass Rail from the 70s. I used to meet my Dad there, because he loved their salt-beef sandwiches. Was surprised it still existed – and they still specialise in salt beef. Oxford Street was also a heaving madhouse – it is ages since I was there. And the Central Line- talk about hot! It was great to see Shaun though.
Finally, Tonbridge. Philosopher and I decided on a day out, even though it was a very hot Saturday, because the scaffolders in the yard behind our house are moving out, and the racket is indescribable. More about that another time. We went on the train, and walked though the town centre. It didn’t look too run-down, apart from the expected empty shops in the shopping centre, but was full of low-rent chain shops – Bon Marche, Peacocks, Greggs, Boots, TG Jones, Shoe Zone, Costa etc etc. No independent shops you’d want to go into. Zillions of charity shops, vape shops, nail bars and Turkish barbers. The castle area looked to have potential, and there are riverside walks, but they felt unexploited and unsatisfactory. It could have been so much better. Lunch was not good – the lack of independent caffs forced us into Wetherspoons. The Humphrey Bean is an enormous barn of a place, with a massive, boiling hot garden. The food took absolutely ages to arrive, and it was very poor quality. After, we couldn’t even find a cake shop in the High Street to buy ourselves a bun…
OK, I’m sure I’ll have outraged Tonbridge residents jumping up and down, and I know you’ve got a Waitrose, but nevertheless… The constant heat makes a Battleaxe bad-tempered and I am not sleeping that well. There you go…
Any suggestions for a Book Club with a slightly older membership?
