It was my birthday, so we went for a pleasant, undemanding day out. As usual, a hot sunny day. We had an excellent lunch at La Locanda Del Duca, a wonderful, old-fashioned Italian Restaurant in Cornfield Terrace in Eastbourne, followed by the smash hit musical ‘Operation Mincement‘ at the Congress Theatre. This had been recommended to us by several friends – we knew next to nothing about it, apart from that it was based on a true WW2 story. Apart from winning multiple awards, it has got more 5* reviews than any other show in West End history. Not surprisingly, we were curious. Both the restaurant and the theatre experience gave Battleaxe much food for thought.
Birthday? Would you believe that my daughter is 50 today. She was born on my birthday. Yes, Battleaxe has a daughter of 50! Above is a photo of the day of her birth, 8 August 1976, below the one of Philosopher and me in the restaurant.
So, about the restaurant. I remember my mother saying ‘Honestly dear, I always choose a Trust House. So civilised, so comfortable…’ (For young ones, Trust Houses were a chain of respectable middle-range, typically historic hotels, often old ex-coaching inns in English market towns. The decline started in 1970 when they merged with Forte, and they eventually disappeared in the 1990s.) My mother is such a boring, snobby old bat, the young Battleaxe would think… but… Philosopher and Battleaxe have had too many miserable experiences in recent years, where… and I only exaggerate slightly… we have ended up perched on industrial steel bar stools in some crowded, clatteringly, shriekily, noisy place, unable to hear a word anyone says above the shouting and pounding music, trying vainly to chumble sourdough toast in our aged gnashers. When I meet my friends the two Sues in London now, we actively seek out quiet, comfortable restaurants. A nice old-fashioned hotel restaurant is ideal… Oh dear. One worried that old-style restaurants would go out of business as the client base died off, but not so. Battleaxe now feels that we will all grow into them in time. The Eastbourne place is a real classic. Old-style Italian, with attentive waiters brandishing huge pepper grinders. Comfortable, upholstered chairs, big tables, proper tablecloths, proper napkins, a real rose in a little vase. Quiet, gentle Italian musak, airy, unhurried, spacious – and bonus, the food was excellent. OK, some of the customers were old, and I mean it – one 90 year-old was celebrating his birthday, but so what? Battleaxe would totally recommend for anyone over 50!
Next, ‘Operation Mincemeat’. The Congress, which is a big theatre, was packed with eager, excited punters, and boy did they enjoy the show. They gave the cast standing ovations, they clapped and whooped and screamed with delight. Battleaxe and Philosopher, bemused, eventually slunk their way out through the cheering hordes… There were only five cast members who played all the parts, and they worked their socks off and performed really well – couldn’t hear all their words, but enough to make sense of the thing. There were some good songs, the production values were high, and the staging was clever. But… we felt the musical to be synthetic, a manufactured product carefully crafted out of a very thin story, to appeal to the centre-right sensibilities of Middle England. A bit of nostalgia, a touch of jingoism, a dose of plucky Brits in WW2, a portion of comfortable humour at the expense of the Establishment. Whatever was in the recipe, it was was a surefire, button-pressing winner… a writer like Battleaxe can only dream of coming up with work like that. Trouble is, apart from the populists, nobody has ever pinned down what the recipe is, and what triggers whooping in the aisles.
Hell fire, would you believe that Mincemeat super fans are called ‘Mincefluencers’? I kid you not.
One more thing before I go – a confession. Battleaxe prefers a good old-style blockbuster hoofing musical, with a big ensemble, lots of dancers and a proper chorus. For me, a cast of just five people could never cut it in a big theatre. I know large choruses are probably now too expensive to employ beyond the occasional astronomically expensive West End production, but a Battleaxe can dream. Think Rodgers and Hammerstein, Rogers and Hart, Leonard Bernstein, Steven Sondheim, Cameron Mackintosh? and even, shock horror… ahem, so sorry – Lloyd Webber. Here’s the ultimate fantasy dream – a Busby Berkeley line-up.
